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Category Archives: Minutes of the meeting – Sales Interviews!!!

Business panrom, 4 Kaasu paakarom… :-P


Protagonist's Note

Heavy rains all night through made it impossible for me to sleep. An early morning power cut (for no apparent reason) left me with no choice but to give up my desperate attempts at slumber. I woke up and blundered my way through the chores (no light), somehow managed to get my clothes on and carry myself downstairs. One brave strike at my bike’s starter and it fell out of the system. I saw the fates conspire against me and I knew that today was going to be no good. Even so, I carried myself resolutely towards the interview cabin…

SALES INTERVIEWS – DAY 2

(Knock knock)

Interviewer:(Mind-voice) Wow! A smart knock. So we finally have a candidate who knows how to carry himself…

(Danda nakara dan knock knock, danda nakara dan knock knock….)

Interviewer: (Opens door and finds a guy in sweatpants leaning against his back drumming on the cabin wall) Yes, may I help you?

Candidate (4): Intarview Saaar.

Interviewer: (Sigh) Okay . Come on in. What is your name?

Candidate (4): Sedhees Saar.

Interviewer: Okay Satish, Tell me about yourself.

Candidate (4): Porandhadhu, padichadhu ellam Thiruvannamala Saar. (Born and brought up in Thiruvannamalai)

Interviewer: That’s all? Do tell me more. What did you study? What do you do?

Candidate (4): (Looks as though he was just addressed in Swahili)

Interviewer:Enna lam panna pudikkum Satish ungaluku? (What do you normally do?)

Candidate (4): Vijay na romba pudikkum Saar.

Interviewer: (Amen!) Educational qualification 11th Std. nu potirke, evlo vayasu aagudhu ungalukku? (It says here that you’ve studied up to 11th Std, how old are you?)

Candidate (4): (Looks shifty) 19 Saar.

Interviewer: Huh? But it says here on your CV that you were born in 1989!?

Candidate (4): (Blinks like an Owl – Thiruttu muzhi) Saar enga amma sonnaanga enakku 19 vayasu dhaan aachu nu… (My mother told me that I was only 19 years old)

Interviewer: 2011 – 1989 evlo pa?

Candidate (4): (Blinks like an Owl again)

Interviewer: Thank you Satish. You may go now.

Candidate (4):Saar, enna velaiya irundhaalum supera seiven Saar. (Any job I’ll do really well)

Interviewer:  Okay boss. We’ll get in touch with you once we are through with the shortlisting.

(Mind-voice) 😥 😥 😥

 

Candidate (5): (Knocks) May I come in? (Neatly dressed, complete with tie)

Interviewer: (I see it, but I don’t dare believe it yet) Please be seated. (Mind-voice) Not bad, an MBA fresher!

Tell me about yourself.

Candidate (5): My name is Saravanan. I am from Trichy. Did my schooling and B.Tech there and moved over to Chennai to pursue my MBA.

Interviewer: Why sales?

Candidate (5): Because through sales I can get corporate experience and then move onto Marketing.

Interviewer: What is the kind of salary that you have in mind?

Candidate (5): Around 9 grand per month.

Interviewer: (Perfect!) You do understand that Sales involves a lot of rejection right? What would you do if a customer slams his door on your face?

Candidate (5): I wouldn’t let him do that Sir.

OVERKILL!

Interviewer: (nearly in tears) Welcome to &%^#$* Connections. You are to report here at 9 AM tomorrow for your training. After that you’ll be working out of an office in Tambaram. (Sniff)

Candidate (5): Hummmmm… Is this some sort of franchise channel? Am I not going to be on-role directly with the brand itself?

Interviewer: Yes. There are no on-role sales openings. Everything here is done through a franchise set-up. But your stationary (visiting cards, etc) would of course be branded. (Fingers crossed and praying to God Almighty he doesn’t run away)

Candidate (5): Hmmm. I’ll get in touch with you sometime tomorrow.

Interviewer: (Mind-voice) Isn’t that the interviewer’s line!? :-S

(Literally in tears now)

To be continued...
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Business panrom, Ambaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaani aagarom… B-)

A group of my friends decided that what they needed was a scheme to multiply their money and hence came up with this new venture of theirs – channel partnership with a leading telecom brand! The rest of us tried to chip in as much help and support as we could manage. We all got together and after many boo-bahs and yawns and coffees, zeroed down on the immediate requirements.

Almost everything had arrived except the furniture which was way past the promised delivery date. Each of us enthusiastically took turns in abusing the company’s salesman (it was a job so well done that he switched his phone off for 2 days at a stretch).

All too soon, the concerned papers were signed, the new office inaugurated, and it was time to start recruiting! The requirement was formally advertised on paper (a small ad in the classifieds column) and placement consultants were notified. We chose to conduct the job interviews at the office of the brand we signed with due to it being centrally located (actually so that we look imposing to the appearing candidates).

And hence, the saga started…

THE NAMES OF CANDIDATES HAVE BEEN ALTERED 

SALES INTERVIEWS – DAY 1

Candidate (1): (Opens door and peeps in)

Interviewer: Yes. Come in. Please sit down. What is your name?

Candidate (1): (Looks at his knees and gives a ‘shy’ smile) Raghav Sir.

Interviewer: (Mind-voice) Name ke first night range ku feel panrane, ivan lam naaliki customer kitta poi enna pesa poraano… 😦  (To answer a kindly put forward question with his name he is all squirmy as if it’s his first night, god knows what he is gonna say to his customers)

OK. Tell me about yourself.

Candidate (1): (Another shy smile) Sir I am Salem Sir. Sir I am MBA Sir. Sir I am sales Sir.

Interviewer: Okay Raghav. We are in the process of short-listing candidates. Give me a call after a couple of days. (Fat chance)

Candidate (2): (Opens door and peeps in) Sir?

Interviewer: Yes. Come in. Please sit down. What is your name?

Candidate (2): I am Ajay Sir.

Interviewer: Well Ajay, your resume says that you are an experienced candidate. Tell me about your previous job experience.

Candidate (2): I am from Madurai. I studied in ******** College. I worked as admin in old company. I earned Rs. 13000 per month.

Interviewer: How did you come to know about this interview?

Candidate (2): I am seeing in Hindu Sir.

Interviewer: Oh great. But I don’t remember us advertising on The Hindu…

Candidate (2): (Blinks like an Owl)

Interviewer: Listen Ajay, if you were an admin earlier, why did you decide to come to a sales interview?

Candidate (2): (Blinks like an Owl)

Interviewer: Did you even know that this was a sales interview?

Candidate (2): (Blinks like an Owl & shakes his head)

Interviewer: Good day to you Ajay. All the best.(Bangs his head on the desk as soon as Ajay leaves)

Candidate (3): (Walks in wearing a short, tight half sleeve shirt with flowery patterns all over it and a tight fit pant with a huge bell-shaped bottom with bathroom slippers)

Interviewer:  (God save me!)

Good afternoon. Is this how you dress for an interview?

Candidate (3): Dress oorula irukku Sir. (Dress is in the city/town where I came from)

The res of the conversation happened in Tamil which I shall describe in English for the benefit of everybody

Interviewer: Where are you from?

Candidate (3): Thvnmlai

Interviewer: Huh?

Candidate (3): Thiruvannamalai.

Interviewer: Listen buddy, why do you speak so fast!? Lets take it slowly, shall we… Tell me more about yourself.

Candidate (3): (Speaks in English for the first time. Delivers the following, apparently well-rehearsed lines) I am Aegan. I am plus 2. I am want Rs. 20,000 Salary.

Interviewer: (Zoooooggggg… Out Cold! :-S)

Many more days to go...