An increased sense of foreboding… Only one question remains, ‘do I delve deeper?’
How often have you felt that you have been taken for a ride by somebody? How often have you felt that your little secret is ‘insecure’ with someone? Did you trust the wrong person? Yes?
Let me tell you why…
Everybody at some point of time in their lives make the mistake of getting judgmental over someone. Once and more, we keep laboring under the delusion that we have wizened up after the last mishap and are now better at scrutinizing people. Some of us even go to the extent of sketching out the character of a person and defining the torrid and frigid zones of his/her character. Only, we are woefully mistaken.
Every human, please note – EVERY human is simple in essence. The basic cores (very similar to what you might have read in my previous post on the intra-division of humans) are all important and form the crux of their decisions. It is therefore ultra-essential to understand those cores in order to play safe.
Following below is a simple theory of mine illustrating why/what/when/how people do what they do.
This is based on the electronic configuration of atoms.
An atom is the nucleus which is a cluster of protons and neutrons. The protons have a positive electric charge while the neutrons are electrically neutral. The nucleus makes up almost all of an atom's mass or weight. Whirling at fantastic speeds around the nucleus are smaller and lighter particles called electrons which have a negative electric charge.
An extremely powerful force, called the nuclear force, holds the protons together in the nucleus as they naturally repelled one another electrically.
The atoms of each chemical element have a different nucleus.
For the benefit of those commerce students reading this post (not to rule out my dear science group back-benchers as well ;-)), the electrons on the outermost shell/ring are unstable and are ready to move out of their orbits or accommodate new ones in order to attain an inert configuration (8 electrons on the outermost shell). People are the same.
Humans will move from one circle to another in search of stability. The intensity of the bond may vary according to how he/she is placed – the outermost shell or an inner one, but unstable they will be! It is therefore unwise to completely trust anyone as they will eventually tend to drift away from your circle to a neighboring one when the latter offers better stability. Everybody has an animal core which thinks of nobody, or even better, nothing except itself.
Always bear in mind that whoever shares the relationship with you is your champion adversary. It is him/her that you need to outsmart in terms of the make-believe mandates. There are a number of possible reactions a person might come up with for a given situation in order of their emotional priority. These are not unpredictable from the concerned person if you knew them for sometime (spot the patterns – every move of your adversary is to be carefully studied and remembered).
Armed with this knowledge, you must learn to trust yet suspect when you deal with people. Trust is a very vital component in mortality because that defines many of the relationships. Giving second chances is very important because everything does not happen in one take. But what is more important is the detachment that you need to master along with trust.
The all-important factor in relationships with people is what I call the VACUUM OF SOLACE. The relationship should be built in such a way that a fall is cushioned for both sides (more importantly your own). The equation below will I think elaborate the scene much better than sentences.
Trust => Attachment
Suspicion => Detachment
Trust + Detachment :: Attachment + Suspicion
=> Trust – Attachment :: Suspicion – Detachment
Relationship status = Null.
In case of a simple mismatch,
Trust + Attachment :: Suspicion + Detachment
=> EMOTIONAL EXCESS :: DISASTER
Relationship status = Imbalanced.
Manipulating people is WRONG! Developing people is RIGHT!
Lets round-up this post with a small exercise for you:
Consider a hypothetical situation – A classic example of the core instinct of humans.
The Prisoner's Dilemna...
You and your friend (currently the closest) are arrested by the police. The police have insufficient evidence for a conviction, and, having separated both of you, visit each to offer the same deal. If one testifies for the prosecution against the other (defects) and the other remains silent (cooperates), the defector goes free and the silent accomplice receives the full 10-year sentence. If both of you remain silent, both of you are sentenced to only six months in jail for a minor charge. If each of you betrays the other, each receives a five-year sentence. Each of you must choose to betray the other or to remain silent. Both of you are assured that the other would not know about the betrayal before the end of the investigation.
How would you expect you and your friend to act?